September 15, 2007

not (just) because i want to :)

Yesterday i "had" to wear something..."nice". (This blog entry sounds way different already!)

Actually i didn't really have to. :) It wasn't a matter of life and death, to be sure!...But wouldn't it be "nice" if i did? And so i did something i didn't regularly do (...ever?).

And so the day came and went. And i'm still wearing it because i have yet to take a bath (fine! i will, i swear! in an hour!!!). Anyways, it's cool to see myself still look great (yes, i do!!!) even with the sleepy eyes and un-exercised body. (The smell? Well, we're just talking about how i look right? ;p) Why? It's all thanks to the nice blouse, perfectly chosen by my wonderful friend, who even picked the tab for it (i'll pay her back of course!) :)

Let's list the great things about this whole "experience":
  1. i got to do something i don't really do. Live life right? But this was something i didn't want to do...or so i thought.
  2. Later on i realized i liked it. it was good in itself; i would like to do this even though i didn't have to.
  3. i was telling my friend that "this isn't me." "No," she protested, "it's you. That's exactly your personality." Honestly, i just didn't like the top at first, which made me realize (again) how my likes and priorities are all twisted. (At least they're being de-twisted nowadays...)
  4. It actually fit me. Nicely. Who knew, right?

"This person really knows me better than myself," usually describes our best-est, closest friends. But what more the God that created us in the first place?

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which
God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose. (Philippians 2:13)

i liked doing good, even back then in the dark ages of my soul :) , but "good" according to my own definitions, and what i want. Way far from Absolute Good, Right and True. But i was sure of what i wanted.
Now, i love doing good, but accdg to God's standards. That means way far from what's convenient or good enough or advantageous for me. And many times i'm not sure where i'm going; i'm following Someone who's ever faithful but the details might not be too clear at present (previously, what job to take; currently, who to marry! haha! *if!*).
When i realized that God is God and that i am obliged to serve Him, the "must-do-good" naturally became an obligation too: an obligation that often burdened me and stressed me out. My Bible study group leader reminded us that we do all these things (share the Gospel, study the Bible, teach kids, sing worship songs...) because we love God. It was so simple yet it struck me to the core, because at the time i was just so focused on the action rather than the reason, the motivation, the Person behind it all.
i love doing good. i always have. And even if technically, i'm supposed to do good anyway, i actually do it because i choose to, because i want to. Not simply in and of itself, but also and more importantly, because i follow God who is good, because i obey God who commanded us to be good, because i love God who does good.
(And i will start wearing nice outfits from now on. But right now, i gotta take a bath. :p )

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