March 30, 2007

our daily bread

i look to my left. hung on the wall beside me was a little poster which says:

The Lord Provides

Look at the birds...

they do not sow
or reap or store away
in barns, and yet your
heavenly Father feeds them ---

Are you not much
more valuable than they?

Matthew 6:26

i look to my right. there was a piece of paper on which was written:

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:33-34

Father, give us today our daily bread.

i haven't really thought much about provisions --- ever --- until these past couple of months. i don't mean to brag but things just happened to fall on my lap. so i took God's blessings for granted, in the same way that we take for granted the sunrise in the morning and our waking up every day.

[just because something happens with absolute periodicity [translation: regularity] in the past --- is NO GUARANTEE about the future. any scientist should be able to tell us that ONE SINGLE instance is enough to DISPROVE an entire, centuries-held "law". but we scientists take things for granted ourselves! we must have a healthy balance between confidence ("faith") and skepticism :) ]

but now i'm going to China (read here) as a missionary for two weeks. that changes everything.
  • i need WAY more than my current salary can handle.
  • i get to share about God and how we need Him in our lives, WAY before i leave the shores of the Philippines
  • i need WAY more of God. WAY more faith that He will come through for me. WAY more trust and dependence on Him; not in what i can do nor the (seeming) randomness or luck of everyday life.
but it's happening. it's all coming to pass, right in front of my eyes.

i will go to China.

as God's bearer of His Good News!

twice even! (read here.)

i will go. in His Name! :)

how liberating is that. it's not about me but about Him. i'm just the messenger. :D

how humbling is that. it's not about me but about Him. i'm just the messenger. :D

right now i'm trusting God for more than my daily bread.

because it's not for me anymore. it stopped being about me a long time ago :)

it's now for His glory, and for the sake of my brothers and sisters who have yet to hear or have yet to welcome God into their hearts.

and if i have been blessed before, what more now, when i am right smack in the center of His will and purposes for me?

i KNOW You will provide for me Lord. the only question is how :) but in any case, there is a time for everything. a time to be still and a time to act. You have said, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) Now, i will act, but all the more knowing that You are God. it is You who will crush mountains so i can pass through. it is You who will soften hearts so i can get through :) still, all for You :)

God the Holy Spirit just reminded me of something :) there's this line that comes before asking for our daily bread :) (see the complete prayer in the Gospels of Luke or Matthew.)

Holy be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

amen. :)

it's definitely WAY more about my daily bread now.


March 29, 2007

off to China *again* :)

before anything else, please do read THIS first:


praise GOD :)

i've never been out of the country, and here i am going off TWICE...and BOTH times to CHINA!

interesting. :D

and both times (almost) free of charge.

the acceptance letter reads:

"I am very happy to inform you that you have been selected to participate as a research scholar in the Complex Systems Summer School in Beijing, China from July 8 – August 4, 2007. You have been chosen because of your unusually strong application. We hope that you will accept this invitation to attend the school.

No tuition is charged for the school. In addition, we will cover your housing and meals for the duration of the program. We regret that we are unable to offer you a travel scholarship.

You should plan to arrive in Beijing by Sunday, July 8, and to depart on Saturday, August 4. We encourage you to make your travel reservations early to take advantage of significant savings in airfares. If you are not a Chinese citizen, you will need to acquire a tourist visa in order to attend the school.

To accept this invitation and reserve your space at the school you must register online....Please introduce yourself to other participants by posting a picture and short biography to the CSSS wiki at...

Congratulations again. We hope to see you at the summer school."

happy :) and VERY blessed. :)

thank You GOD! :)

(though i know it's all about YOUR glory, i just LOVE working for Your kingdom too :) )

P.S. oh, and by the way, i'll be celebrating my BIRTHDAY there! absolute coolness!!! :D

March 28, 2007

March 26, 2007

run towards, not away from...

by Kutless

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you.

Looking down from above as you watch TV
Wondering why, oh you're ignoring me
Do you remember, remember when I came to you
And you loved me
And I'm waiting for you
And I'm waiting for you

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh do't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...

Whatever happened to the love, the love you had for me
When you first came to me
Don't you know that I died, died so I could be with
you forever.
And I'm waiting for you
And I'm waiting for you

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hid oh don't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...

Find a place of solitude, and I'll speak to you
As you pray to me
Don't you know I'm waiting here, waiting for you to
read and hear my words
I'm waiting here missing the time the times we shared
oh, please come to me

So, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...

don't wait until these words become your last...

these are pretty deep wonderful aw-shucks last words. but then again, don't wait until your very last breath to say them out loud! :)

"My queen!
My wife...
My love."

Yes, yes, these are King Leonidas' last words in the movie "300". honestly, i had a hard time trying to relate how i can put that in this "God-blog" of mine :)

too selfish eh?

but actually, i do thank God that i'm not a man-hater anymore :) so there. :) especially since only three months ago i realized how deep gender issues struck to my very core...

pretty interesting, too, because in another movie these are the last words someone told someone before someone died. (did someone say x-men 3: the last stand? ;p) hahaha. my favorite character and i were still man-haters back then. (my my my! that was less than a year ago!)

so i digress. or maybe not...

lesson for the guys: don't wait until the last moment to say you love her.

lesson for the gals: don't wait until the last moment to let yourself love him. or to admit it even.

wow, am too cheesy! ;p but someone has to blog about it... ;D

because God SO loves the world...

here's a 60-second video that may help you make the most important decision of your life:

my life song's refrain :)

physics is not bad.
it's just that it's not* God's chosen career for me.
i thought it was.
boy, was i wrong.
but through what i've experienced here i've borne witness to God's grandness of vision and His goodness of heart.

my ex-boyfriend is not bad.
it's just that he's not God's chosen husband for me.
i thought he was.
boy, was i wrong.
but through what i've experienced with him i've borne witness to God's grandness of vision and His goodness of heart.

being a young wife and mother is not bad.
it's just that it's not God's chosen time for me.
i thought it was.
boy, was i wrong.
but through what i've experienced --- and what i haven't --- in dealing with it i've borne witness to God's grandness of vision and His goodness of heart.

* footnote March 17, 2011: Shortly after, I got a word from God that He's calling me to physics, too. Oh, OK. :D

could it be...?

"The man gazed at her in silence
to learn whether the LORD had prospered his journey or not."
--- Genesis 24:21

March 14, 2007

urgent message from a dear friend

i just got this text message today (March 14 2007), from one of my bestest friends...

teci! oh I just had a revelation...if you and ---- hadn't introduced me to God (as in the real Him), i might as well slash my wrist and bleed to death now. thanks again teci. please, please, please continue to talk to people, even total strangers, about God and His great love. please pray also for me, so that soon, i could do the same. praise God. :)

off to China to spread God's Good News :)

friends, i'm off to China to spread the Good News of God :)

review: late last year i was slated to go to Myanmar as a short-term missionary. details can be found here.

i learned just eleven hours ago that we will be going, not to Myanmar but to CHINA.

actually i'm so excited because China is one of the last greatest challenges in evangelical missions. most people here are so closed against the Gospel, but meanwhile the Chinese Christians are so on fire for God :) i read somewhere that many Christian preachers have been imprisoned and persecuted yet some are touted as celebrities.
anyways why don't we just study these articles together: :)

i gots ta learn a lot about China in the soonest possible time :D exciting! :)

always, this is for God's glory, to win people back to Him. i hope and pray that more and more people will experience the same joy, peace, love and
completeness as they are restored to God :)


do you have the heart to reach out to the lost, but don't have the time nor circumstances to be a missionary? BE A MISSIONS PARTNER! :D

"How can they hear
without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?" --- Romans 10:14,15

im currently believing God for more missions partners who would support me as my prayer
shields and as my financial sponsors. Care to know more? Contact me by placing a comment anywhere in this blog, or emailing me at I know that God will be very pleased as you join in the harvest to win souls back to Him, and --- as if that wasn't reward enough --- He will remember and reward you for your compassionate heart that beats in time with His.

God bless, everybody :)

living for God, all the way, to the end

"You can't really live for Jesus unless you are willing to die for Him."
--- Michael Tait, heard on Voice of the Martyrs

Ma'am Teci's Testimony :)

i met with my laboratory classes for the last time yesterday. the semester was ending, and with it, my days of teaching college physics (at least, in the near future) are coming to a close.

i wanted to give them something more than sentimental gush; i wanted something way more substantial. i wanted to ask my high school friend to help out; he's done classroom evangelism with many of our bigger lecture classes just last month. but i wasn't able to reach him; and my class was early the next day. i had to make a choice. i had to share my own story. (Lord, help!)

in our
leadership class in church, we were once taught how to share our testimony: our own personal account of how God saved us from our sinful destructive selves and how God continues to live in us. i hurriedly looked for it. hmm, quite incomplete. should i say it, or write it down? what else should i include? in the midst of this vital decision-making process, i fell asleep (yet again) in my dorm chair and table and woke up an hour before class. yipes. (Lord, help!)

thank You God :) i was able to give a copy of my testimony to each of my students :) in many respects, this is the most personal and the most real of all i've written so far. why open up to my students even before many of my close friends? is it because it's "safer" since i'll rarely see my students again after yesterday? there might be some truth to that...but also, i feel that it's time. there's a time for, finally, letting the truth out. a time for finally standing up and
telling my story. the story of God and me.

it has been an honor and a privilege to teach my students. it is but fitting that i now take the opportunity to teach them the most important Truth of all. :)


Ma'am Teci's Testimony :)

I used to live for myself --- according to my principles, my beliefs, my perspective. I had my own ideas about everything, and often didn’t understand why others don’t see a better way (translation: my way). I had good intentions, but at times these intentions did not turn out to be “as good” when executed.
In the middle of my self-centered existence, I had it all --- a challenging course, a big-time scholarship, a supportive family, fun-loving friends, and a romantic relationship which was an open secret. Why secret? Because it was illegal on several levels. Yet, being the young woman I was, I easily pushed through with it and even justified it to the point of being a drama queen.
So I had it all, and worshipped it all --- my ideas, my life, but most of all, my relationship. Being determined to get what I want, I threw away the things I once thought I valued --- my principles. I ended up compromising my beliefs, and compromising myself.
Yet there it was. I still wanted and wanted. And, not getting what I want, I accused and condemned, got angry and jealous and spiteful. In pursuing all I wanted for myself --- and believe me, I had all I thought I wanted for the good life --- I ended up not wanting what I had and hating what I’ve become
But there was a still small voice I was hearing. Crazy? Not really. Many of us know this as our “conscience”. That same voice raised questions inside me back when I “had it all”: “If you now have everything you ever wanted, then why are you feeling more depressed than ever before?” The question seemed so simple, yet I could not give an answer. I knew something was amiss, but I didn’t know how to correct it, so I kept on going in the same (downhill) direction.
Then it hit --- he broke up with me. We had it coming. I was just too stubborn to end it myself, because I sacrificed everything for it, didn’t I? And so my world literally dissolved around me. There was nothing else to live for, because I gave it all up for the one thing that was now gone as well.
The still small voice kept whispering, “Why do you think you can’t go on now that he’s gone? You were able to live for the first 20 years of your life without him.” Again the question was so simple but I could not give an answer. One night when I woke and suddenly broke down in tears, the voice was there, comforting me. “Hang on. Everything is going to be all right.”
There was one thing I knew I had to do. I had to forgive. Oh, it was so hard. In my mind, it was the right thing to do, but my heart was totally against it. “Why should I?” I stubbornly thought. But I knew I should. This was one “good” thing that I could not do on my own. I needed help.
I enrolled in a Creative Writing class and even in yoga and transcendental meditation. They didn’t help. I started blurting my heart out to anyone who would listen. Thankfully, there were two who were really there for me and gave me the counsel I so desperately needed. They lent me books and invited me to seminars and worship services. I had nowhere else to go so I went with them.
It was only later on that I learned they were Christians --- Bible-based Christians who followed the same still small voice which was the Holy Spirit challenging me to look further beyond “the good life” advocated by the world and society today. I learned that Jesus --- the Son of God, fully God and fully human --- came to take the punishment for my sins; the sins I committed in pursuing my selfish desires and those sins that I once thought could be excused or justified. Nope, I finally admitted that I was wrong, so very wrong, and I deserved to be forever separated from God who was absolutely holy and just and good. But praise God, in His grace and mercy, Jesus took my punishment so I can live a new life, cleansed completely…only if I let Him --- not my good works, they’re never enough, but only Him! --- save me. Jesus already died on the cross 2000 years ago, once and for all of us, whether we accept Him or not. But why would I not receive Him? I’ve already done it “my way”, and there was nowhere else to go, but up. Back to Him. :)
The Holy Spirit gently reminded me that I already accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior as a teen in high school. And to think I’ve denied Him and disobeyed Him so much since then! Though that realization filled me with shame, it also filled me with thanks for a God who never gives up looking for that one lost sheep even when 99 are already saved. Thank You God. Baaaa. :)
God has truly given me a new life. After two years or so, I have finally found the grace to forgive my ex-boyfriend, and ultimately, myself. God is giving me new dreams --- He called me to write for Him, even as I’m continuing my PhD in Physics, how cool is that! He is also touching my heart to love again --- who would have thought, right?
So I hope, dear class, that you’d experience the same life in God that I now have. Just accept Jesus as your only Savior, and follow Him as your only Lord. The Bible and the Holy Spirit will guide you all the way. :)
If you'd like to talk to me more about this, just text me at ---- or email me at or drop by my blog, :) God bless always! :)

March 13, 2007

don't let go tonight. you are golden, child!

by Switchfoot

(Like freedom in spring)

She's alone tonight with a bitter cup and
She's undone tonight, she's all used up,
She's been staring down the demons
Who've been screaming
She's just another so and so,
Another so and so

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
(Don't let go)
(Don't let go tonight)

There's a fear that burns like trash inside
And your shame of the curse that burns your eyes
You've been hiding in your bedroom,
Hoping this isn't not how the story has to go
It's not the way it goes,
It's your book now,

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
(Don't let go)
(Don't let go tonight)

You're a lonely soul in a land of broken hearts
You're far from home, it's a perfect place to start

(Burn, Burn!)

So this final verse is a contradiction
And the more we learn the less we know

We've been talkin' about a feeling,
We both know inside but couldn't find the words
I couldn't write this verse,
I've seldom been so sure,
About anything before

You are Golden, Child

You are Golden,
(Don't let go)
(Don't let go tonight)

This world is a dead man down (Golden, you are)
Every breath is a singing crown we wear (Golden, Child, you are)
Like some debilitated king (Golden, don't let go)
Don't let go tonight

The Earth spins and your mind goes round (Golden, you are)
The green comes on the frozen ground (Golden, Child, you are)
And everything will be made new again (Golden)
(Like freedom and spring) (Golden, Golden)

Hey, like freedom and spring, (Golden, you are, hey)
Like freedom and spring (Golden, Child, you are)

March 6, 2007

all i need

All I Need
by Shawn McDonald

As I sit here and think
About all that You've done
About how You gave me Your one and only Son
And I'm trying to fathom
All that You are, but so far, Lord
You're so beyond me

I fall down in reverence
And I fall down in fear
And I'm asking You, Lord, won't You please draw near
Won't You open my eyes
So that I can see
The way that You are working in me

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to get me by, by, by, by, by
get me by, by, by, by, by
To get me by

And I lay down my life
And I put it before You
All that I am is in Your hands
And I'm not going to question, why You're so faithful
Why that You give me the blessing that You have

Let the glory be known, let the glory be shown
Lift You up unto the throne
You are my God, You are my King
To You I give, I give You everything

All that I need is Your love, my God

what really doesn't matter? :)

What If
Jadon Lavik

What if I climbed that mountain
What if I swam to that shore
What if every battle was victorious
Then would You love me more
Would You love me more

What if I were everyone's first choice
What if I went farther than before
What if I stood high above the rest
Then would You love me more
Would You love me more

You say I belong to You
Apart from the things I do
You say I belong to You
I'm in awe of why You do
Why You do, why You do, I'm in awe of You, ooh

What if I ignored the hand that fed me
What if I forgot to confess
What if I stumbled down that mountain
Then would You love me less
Lord would You love me less

What if I were everyone's last choice
What if I mixed in with the rest
What if I failed what I passed before
then would You love me less
Lord would You would You love me less, oh no oh no oh no

You say I belong to You
Apart from the things I do
You say I belong to You
I'm in awe of why You do You do You do You do

What have I done
To deserve your Son
Sent to die for me
What can I give
I want to live
Give me eyes to see
In a world that keeps changin'
There's one thing
That I know is true
Your love is stayin'
There's nothing else
I'll hold onto

You say I belong to You
Apart from the things I do
You say I belong to You
I'm in awe of why You do Why You do

You say I belong to You
Apart from the things I do
You say I belong to You
I'm in awe of why You do
I'm in awe of You, I'm in awe of You

The way You love me,
The way
You do
The way
You do ,
The way You love me, You love me, You love me
The way You do the way You do
the way You love me, the way You love You love You love

March 4, 2007

Fear God. Not man.

Fear God. Not man.
--- Jesus Freaks tagline

(teci: "fear" meaning great reverence, respect and awe:
who is worthy to be magnified in the first place?
but heck, why not the fear of trembling as well?
whose consequences are we afraid of anyway?)

the most powerful show of power

It is not our sufficiency that demonstrates God's power;
it is our weakness.

God's strength is perfected in our weakness
and prayer shows our need for the Spirit's empowering presence.

-- Bob Kauflin, "Pursuing God's Presence"
available for free at :)