October 4, 2010

officially empty

Today, October 4 2010, I am officially wiped out.


I have just done the modern-day equivalent of jumping off a cliff, or walking into a coliseum of hungry lions.

I am completely in God's hands now. Well, am I not always? But now, in the eyes of the world, where security is measured by one's bank account, I am in deeep trouble. (Perhaps the world would advise me to pray.)

My feelings betray me. So I still worship money, it seems. Because I am not afraid of sharing my faith in "restricted" nations, but I am afraid of losing my wallet. Because I need to claim God's covering as my security, when it has been there all along. Because my act of faith did not really lie in my being parted with my last peso, but in my attitude - do I trust God now, when I am completely, for the first time in my adult life, penniless?

Gah! Jumping off a cliff or walking into a lions' den still feels like an adventure, but not this. But why not? Why shouldn't it be an adventure? :)

I just came from the housewarming party of newlyweds Mark and Love Llena. I remember them testifying of how God provided for them, for big and small expenses cropping up even during the wedding... 

Specifically I am encouraged by Mark's words: "I wonder how God will meet this need..."

That's it. God helping me out is a given. (To ALL who ask, it shall be given.) He has already given me the security of eternal life while giving me fullness of life right now, He is restoring me to reflect His glory even more, He is revealing His plans and giving me strength to obey them. And yes, time and again, through different people and circumstances, He has given me money.

What's so different about today, and this area of life?


So I shall go to sleep, with my heart resting in my God. And tomorrow, I will work. God is great, God is good, God is in control... And God will provide.

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
"Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown!"
And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way."

So, I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night
And He led me toward the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So, heart, be still!
What need our little life,
Our human life, to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low
God hideth His intention.


- Marie Louise Haskins, "The Desert"

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