Don't have much? Give, give, give

These days I feel like I don't have much. Not really zero balance, but getting there.

It really does feel like my net worth is five loaves and two fishes.

Remembering how Jesus fed a multitude:

He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?”  

Philip answered Him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.”

So Philip was the math whiz. Knowing more is not always a good thing, because in this case, he knew how much they did not have.

But our Lord knows more, and can do more.

But this Jesus said to test Philip, for He Himself knew what He would do.

So He fed five thousand men, plus women and children. He provided so much food that twelve baskets of leftovers were collected after. 

I've heard this story many times that I need to let that sink in again.

Darn you, math skills. Not that math is bad, but our skills in the natural sciences may make it more difficult to trust in the supernatural. (Quick countermeasure: remembering the tangible goodness and greatness of God.)

It's not about what we have, but what we do with what we have.

It's not about what we have, but what we give.

The boy with the loaves and fishes obviously just had enough for himself. But he chose to give it to Jesus.

Jesus could have raised his eyebrows in contempt, or his voice in frustration. But Jesus chose to raise his eyes to heaven, and give thanks.

Jesus then gave the bread to the disciples, who could have eaten the food immediately. They could have insisted on their VIP rights, or said "we must be strong to serve you." But they chose to give it away.

Don't have much? Yes, that could be true. It's totally understandable if we choose to keep what little we have to ourselves.

But we could still give it to Jesus, give thanks, and give it away...

And watch the miracle happen. ♥

“Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”  

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" 

Scriptures taken from: John 6:5-7, Mark 12:43-44, and Matthew 16:24-26

========================================

Postscript:

The week after I wrote this, the miracle!

So we can give more. And love God more by loving others more, financially and otherwise.

Thank You Lord. People say we can never outgive God. If you don't believe that, feel free to try ;) (Everybody wins!)

Deo Volente

Deo Volente. God willing.


Below is my sked for the next few months. (This was last term's.) Teacher in the mornings, Student in the evenings. Reserve a Sabbath day for worship-slash-rest: far from being a luxury, it's one of God's Ten Commands and a necessary pressure valve for professionals.)

It's been a while since I've been this confident about setting goals and reaching them  ;)

Because nowadays I'm learning to stop wrestling against God (His Will vs. mine) and learning how to wrestle with Him (against my selfish self, my laziness, my fear, my distractions).

Finally, I'm willing what He has been willing all along. And that's the only reason why I know I will succeed. ♥

Tempted much? Some reminders

http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/temptation_575.jpg

These days I'm very tempted. And I fall, fall, and fall.

Reminders from His Word: 

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
 (1 Corinthians 10:13–14) 

"Do not give the devil a foothold."
(Ephesians 4:27)

"When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."(James 1:13-15)



There's also a very good discussion here: "10 Temptation Truths"


God bless you, and God bless me. Gotta claim that. And look to Him, first and foremost, once again.

In one peace

 http://www.realbeauty.com/cm/realbeauty/images/8z/rb-sleeping-in-pink-sheets-0809-mdn.jpg

"No more drama," sings Ms. Mary J. Blige.

Well, I love dramatic twists and turns in stories and in my own life... And I don't have control over the main source of drama: when people and things don't go *my* way.

But, I do have control over how to respond to conflicts, worries and fears.

"Peace I give you," Jesus tells us. Not the "security" of the world, that is based on endlessly getting more, getting even, getting better.

"The peace of God transcends understanding," says the Bible. There are a lot of things that won't make sense, including being at peace in the midst of confusion. But there it is: that peace is available.

This peace doesn't mean complacency nor laziness. It is good to want to be better and do better... But the focus of one's security shifts away from self, others and things.

One's security starts being placed in God Himself. The One who says He will never desert us. The One who loved us before we were worthy of Him. The One in control of past, present and future; whose will is good, pleasing and perfect.

So this is me --- resting peacefully in the midst of deadlines, tasks and activity. "Resting" in peace but all the more alive. *Matters* clamoring for attention but still in one piece, with One Peace.

God says His followers are in this world but are not of this world. They still have to eat, sleep and take a ride to work. They still need to do the same tasks as everybody else... but there's something different inside.

There is only one security that is truly secure. There is a peace that can only come from God. Would you like your heart to rest, finally, in the only Steadfast One?

The Memoirs of a Wedding Guest

 

http://www.casamadrona.com/sausalito-california-weddings.php 

Tonight caps  my "three-weddings-in-one-week" adventure. What have I learned?

* God will provide --- from money for a wedding (if it's His will), to someone to marry in the first place (again, if it's His will).

* I am honored to be invited to each friend's/relative's/co-worker's wedding: one of the most special days in their lives. To witness, to pray for, to share joy in. It is a privilege.

* Surprisingly, I feel no bitterness. I'm single and will be 30 in two months. Society dictates I should be panicking by now (and dating around instead of... *blogging*). But, it's OK. I'm walking with God and He's in control; He knows best.

* "There is no more condemnation for those in Christ."  No more manipulation, guilt tripping, emotional blackmail, playing on insecurities, and defrauding. No more abuse. "All good things come from the Father." God-centered relationships are not perfect, of course, but may we recognize (and take action) if we are in a relationship that does us more harm than good. I would rather be single than in a relationship that displeases God and people. Well, prayer answered / wish granted --> I'm single now.

* I love people! These three weddings enabled me to hang out with three different sets: churchmates, family, and co-teachers. In particular, I love what my married co-teachers said: It's not about age, background, status.. It's about God, and who He'll send. Just pray. Wow. Amen.

* May the guests not just partake of the wedding; may they support the marriage too, for better or worse.

* I love food. I've said before that my goal for this year (and how many years before?) was to develop "the Spirit of self-control". Hmm. Tomorrow I'll exercise na, promise. ;)

* I'm looking forward to my own wedding, God-willing. Our Lord Jesus tells us that if we ask according to His will, He hears and answers. It turns out I still have a lot to learn about God's will, but on the plus side, at least I'm learning.

* Lastly, I should look forward to each day, single or not, approaching my wedding or not. "This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." There is a command to rejoice; it is an act of faith for those who wish their lives could be different. But God is good and great. Let's remember, and trust, and live each day to the full. Attend a wedding even.

Not always reasonable

“After Anunciation”
Madeleine L'Engle 


This is the irrational season
When love blooms bright and wild.

Had Mary been filled with reason
There'd have been no room for the child.

Image: http://www.cottagesmallholder.com/amaryliis%20opening%20bud.jpg

Dilemma resolved. (?)

So, Jacob physically wrestled with God while Job did it philosophically. (Job's body, family, and possessions were wrecked badly enough.)

Jacob: I will not let You go until You bless me.
(Demanding!)

Job: Why, what did I ever do to deserve this?
(Demanding too...)

Teci 1: I don't get it Lord.

Teci 2: Please give me what I want.
(Yes, demanding in my own way.)


I'm not supposed to understand everything but something clicked yesterday. Something that made sense in God's own way. A dilemma resolved. Hopefully I'm not just seeing what I want to see. So as always, still trust and listen and hang on to God.

But thankful for the peace and the resolution. Because I have already seen how good and wise God is, even when I don't understand. It's just a cherry on top when I do.

The best time for Faith

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Faith is confidence or trust in a person or entity.
- Wikipedia: Faith 

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation.
- Letter to the Hebrews


This must be the best season yet for me to have faith.

Previously, following God used to be so simple, understandable, and attainable.

Now, there's a lot of "?", "!", and "?!?!"... But thankfully, my past (and the history of the world) is filled with accounts of how wise, faithful, good and great our God is.

So now, this intellectual overachiever is confused... But grateful because God is still in control. HE will work out my life, as He always has.

"Be still... and know that I am God."

Instead of worrying or panicking, I will remember to trust, and be at peace. 

Because the best time for having faith in God 

is not when things are perfect,

but when everything's all messed up. 

May I glorify You as I continue to trust in You. :)


P.S. Some reminders from the net. May we all be blessed. :)
Image credits: [1], [2], [3].

Thank You (Jan 13, 2012)

Thank You Lord for:
* snorkeling ♥
* Iloilo getaway with friends from work
* Kenny's break-fast with friends from church
* letting me teach my fave subject once more
* the time, the money, the discipline
* my new home away from home ^_^
* more faith in the One who's in control

It's only the 13th of the first month and great things are already here. Here's to an awesome year! All glory to God ♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Thanks to Bless, Resmond and Arvin for the pics :) )

Will Power

Let Your will be done.

But also, let me will Your will

Let Your will be mine as well.

Amen. :)

I will wait for You

From "I will wait for you" by Janette...ikz:

‎"I'll stay in my bed
--- alone ---
and write poems about how I will wait for you." :D


"I will no longer get weighted down...
for my biological clock
when I serve the Author of Time!"


"To my Father...
I desire Your will above mine...
and I will always wait for You Lord." ♥



See Mary's blog for the complete transcribed poem.
Thanks to Cathy for sending me this. :)

Good Job Passing the Test

Too much suffering? The unfairness of it all? Found something good only to see it fade away?


Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked shall I return.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD.
- Job 1:21

Shall we receive good from God,
and shall we not receive evil?
- Job 2:10b

The commentary of my ESV Bible says that the book of Job contains:
- God's loving sovereignty
- the supremacy of divine wisdom over human wisdom
- Believing that God is good despite the apparent evidence to the contrary, Job rested in faith alone.
- I know that my Redeemer lives (Job 19:25).


Centuries after Job prevailed over his test of faith, the apostle James explains:

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
- James 1:12-17

Teci is called to obedience

If I say God is real
     and even that He talks to me
     then why am I so reluctant to follow?

If I say that He is wiser
     then why am I still relying
     on my reason, sense, and judgment?

If I talk about faith
     then why don't I act on it?

Obey not out of fear of hell and other consequences
     obey not to fulfill an obligation

But obey simply out of trust
     that He knows best
     and that He is worthy of my obedience

Appreciate... and Celebrate!

If you only knew how special you are...
you might not be so eager to change.

Who you are is a gift.
Appreciate... and Celebrate. :)

letting God into our life is *this* simple :)

i saw this from a comment over at ThinkChristian :)


"A regular time and a regular place,

an open bible and your heart open to God.

Let God have you and let God love you.

Then don't be surprised if your heart begins to hear music you've never heard and your feet begin to dance as never before".


We give what we can so others may have what we have.

no power and no plans

It's that time again: time to change taglines. :)


The year 2007 was around the corner. Someone was sharing to me: "I know that God is telling me something when I hear the same verse/phrase over and over from different sources, say, three times..."

Hmm, i thought. When God speaks to me directly or through a powerful Bible passage or through people, it's usually clear enough at the first instance, right? Won't i get it already?

Uhm, no. :)

Not always (and not often?) :)

As the new year dawned upon us i have come to see this as kind of my motto/tagline/verse for the moment:

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." --- 2 Timothy 1:7

When i first started to *really* follow God, i learned what real love is *not*. The past year i started to learn what real love *is*. Throughout this year i was learning about balance, soundness, and completeness. (Please do not confuse balance with fence-sitting and compromise. Saying God is merciful *and* just is the complete truth; obeying God only 50% of the time means you are disobeying the rest of the time.) Fear was something i thought i was already over with, but the more i learn about God and the more i follow, i find that there is really nothing to fear.

And so..."OK, Lord, we'll have the 'power' part next..."

And so i keep on waiting for that 'power' thing.

Recently i am starting to sense a more appropriate motto/tagline/verse for the moment: as already labeled in my GTalk profile,

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." --- Proverbs 19:21

"Ah, but Lord", i was telling Him as i was walking earlier today, "what about the power? That verse isn't really resolved yet for me right...?"

"Don't you see it yet?" He asked gently, with the faintest glint of humor, "The power comes from Me."

(Why is it that i don't get the simplest of truths?)

So...i guess that's it. The power is and has always been with God, which He supplies whenever He sees fit. In my simplistic and still self-seeking point of view, i was just hoping that He'd make me this Super-Wonder-PowerGirl, efficient and excellent in all i do and still having enough time to meet my friends in the mall.

Well, that's still possible, but the key here is His purpose and not mine. Which is exactly what my new, current life verse reminds me. :)



It's time to switch taglines. But these are all just facets of the same God anyway, Who is not completely comprehensible to us yet we still seek and pursue...For apart from His blessings there is no greater reward than experiencing God Himself.

And here i am; already starting to walk with God and now finding out that...*i am nothing*. i have no power of my own to use; no plans of my own to uphold.

Well, yeah. But the One who has all the power and all the purposes that stand firm? He's the One who gives me value --- the One who gives *us all* meaning and significance and the only lasting, real good.

*If*...we let Him :)

If we let God be God in our lives, if our will is freely submitted and conformed to His...

"But to all who received Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." --- John 1:12

*Then* we can have the Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. Then we can see that even if we have so many plans, it is actually His purpose that stands...

And what exactly is His purpose?

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." --- Romans 8:28

Which is another life verse of mine, by the way. :)

me vs. the Almighty

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. --- Genesis 32:24

Why is it that every so often i find myself wrestling with the All-Powerful, the one i supposedly bow down to and recognize as Lord of All?

Why is that i find myself on the opposite side of the ring, but i wait for the all-too-obvious outcome of the match before going over to His side again?

As one who follows God, there are things, issues, details i do not understand. Following my own instincts and using my own understanding was way easier (though the results were disappointing, or worse!). A mystery buff and research scientist to boot, i just want to *know* everything --- is that too much to ask?! ;p

"Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?"


It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. And God said to him, "Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, behold, I now do according to your word. Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you. I give you also what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that no other king shall compare with you, all your days." --- 1 Kings 3:9-14

Hmm, that doesn't seem *too much* to ask; God gave even more didn't He? Centuries later James the church elder and Jesus' half brother (yes, i have to point that out!) writes:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. --- James 1:5-6

So...it's OK to ask God if i don't understand. He'll give me wisdom as long as i trust that He'll do so --- and if i don't have enough faith, i can ask for that too! :) So far so good, but to be honest i have been behaving less as a truth-seeker and more as a stubborn brat. ("But Lo-o-ord!!!! That can't be! What about ---?!?!" in that whiny, overly dramatic tone!)

This looks like a much better (and more mature) way:


"Dear God,
i don't understand why things have to be this way.
i don't know the exact details of Your plans, or my part in them.
and sometimes, i don't think it can be done (sorry!).

But i know that You know.
i know that You are in control.
and i know that You are loving and just.

i want to know You more.
You said in Your Word that whoever seeks You with all their heart will find You.
But You will reveal Yourself to me, and give me wisdom,
according to Your own perfect timing.

So i guess what i need all along
is more FAITH
to trust You
Truly there is none like You,
i have seen more than enough
from experiences past and present.
But i am stubborn and skeptical and doubtful
and it's hard to trust in someone other than myself
and it's hard to believe in something i hadn't seen yet (because duh teci, it's in the future!).

Anyway,
please give me more faith
because i don't get it
i don't understand
and i can't do it (or i don't want to)
and
if it is Your will too
please help me get it
please help me understand
please help me do it.

Amen."

:)


Thankfully, i'm less confrontational with God now. (Um, that's only according to me though!) The wrestling/boxing ring has matured into a legal courtroom, where i present God with essentially all the reasons why i should not be trusting Him. (Yow! That sounds too...cold-blooded and heartless.) Call me the prosecutor who dares put God on the stand to defend Himself. (Oh boy. i thought my spiritual maturity was increasing?)

But all throughout the trial in my mind, my heart would be whispering to God, "Lord! i must be making a mistake. Or there must be a misunderstanding somewhere. Please resolve this. For me and for all of us. Please don't let anyone sin and/or turn away from You because of this. i already know that You're right, it's just that in this issue i don't know why...not yet anyway."

"But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."


And Jesus said to him, "If you can! All things are possible for one who believes."


Immediately the father of the child cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief!" --- Mark 9:22b-24

i have to emphasize that we will all be held accountable, for each of our actions, on Judgement Day. Yup, that includes each instance of doubt, delay, or denial.

But God knows our hearts, our lives, and exactly what we're going through. He loves us and is willing to accept us; the Father gave us the Son to take the punishment for our sins so we can spend eternity with Him. How much more will God explain what we need to understand...spell it out if need be? :)

They said to each other, "Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked to us on the road, while He opened to us the Scriptures?" --- Luke 24:32

Help me, Lord. i want my heart to burn too. You're the Answer to every little question i have.

Sorry if i keep using the wrestling analogy!

But You do know that i'm on Your side...already :)

You know that, just like Jacob, i just need to hold onto You, especially in the dark of night.

And You know that every time You win (and You always do!), i actually win too :) i find another reason or too why i obey, why i trust, why i seek, why i love You :)

So let's get it on! Life is too complicated for us to not have a rematch soon :)

clean slate: september 21 2007, 3:21 pm

I desire to do Your will, O my God;
Your law is within my heart.
-- Psalm 40:8

dear God,

i don't know if it's satan who planted this idea in my head (...or You...)
but the point is godly
i should let You decide.
not tell You my plans and ask You to bless them.
isn't that what i don't like about those who don't like Josh Harris, and the Ludys?

Not my will but Yours be done.
Not my will but Yours be done.
Not my will
Let Yours be done.

• Gethsemane
• the Lord's Prayer
  

Lord,
i give You
my PhD plans
my postdoc plans
my hubby/bf/marriage plans

i give You back my life, a clean slate

as a Godservant
my ultimate dream is to serve You
and to endeavor for Your plans to come to pass
Your kingdom to come
and Your will to be done
amen, and amen.
=)

And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying,
"My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me;
nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."
-- Matthew 26:39

Teach me to do Your will,
for You are my God!
Let Your good Spirit lead me
on level ground!
-- Psalm 143:10

For I have come down from heaven,
not to do My own will
but the will of Him who sent Me.
-- John 6:38

what i really want to do :)

ALL I WANT TO DO
by Ginny Owens


All I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do, is give this life to You
And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do

How does doubt slip in, so silently?
And why does condemnation come so naturally?
Why do I still get the best of me?
Loving so little and living so selfishly?

When all I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do is give this life to You
All I want to do is give this life to You
And let Your will be done until it's all I want to do

What have I been given by Your grace?
Will I come to understand this mystery I embrace?
Make of me a new creation now
Fill me with all you are and be all I am somehow

'Cuz all I want to do is give this life to You
All I want to do is give this life to You
All I want to do is give this life to You
And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do

Faith so fragile
Reaching for Your hand

All I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do, is give this life to You
All I want to do, is give this life to You
And let your will be done, 'til it's all I want to do
And let your will be done, 'til it's all I want to do

playing God: as of September 15, 2007

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways My ways,"

declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are My ways higher than your ways

and My thoughts than your thoughts."

(Isaiah 55:8-9)

Man. Why do i even try to second-guess, out-think, figure out, mind-read...GOD?

And why do i keep on hopin'?

...

...

i hope because i can.  :)

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  ( Hebrews 10:23)

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  ( Hebrews 11:1 )

Through Him you believe in God, who raised Him from the dead and glorified Him, and so your faith and hope are in God.  ( 1 Peter 1:21)

A faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time...  ( Titus 1:2)

But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are His house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.  ( Hebrews 3:6)

  

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  ( Romans 12:12)

-----------------------

but i am forgetting the most important prayer of all:

Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  ( Matthew 6:10)

"Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done."  ( Luke 22:42)

Yes, Father, i bow down to Your will. Not just because i have to, but because i want to.

i'm going to let You act on my behalf. (Besides, when You do act, it truly is for my behalf :) )

Let Your will be done in my life. May you use my life to let Your kingdom come. Amen and amen.

He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
      Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.  (Revelation 20:22 )