because God LOVES teci, 3:...with more than words =)

ang galing*.

i was about to write in my journal:
"God, i love You."

which would mark the first time i said that to Him...

i mean, definitely not the first time, but now it truly is a fact, and God is truly "God" of my life and being, and it's not just because i need something from Him and am asking for it or i was granted it...

now, it's a statement of something real.

but there was something about the idea of "God" as i was starting to write the sentence down. (i got so far as the comma.) it was the thought of "God": "G---", "G---"...

and i felt the urge to cry =) because it was so personal, and so real.

but the thought was still stuck like an old phonograph record that can't progress: "G---", "G---"...

then my eyes picked up the videoke song in the dorm lobby downstairs.

wouldn't you know? =)

More Than Words.

He' s telling me:

close your eyes
and just reach out your hand
and touch Me
hold Me close
don't ever let Me go
then you wouldn't make things new
just by saying, "i love You."

ang galing*, no?

because recently i have let go.

and before that, i did show my love for God even if i never said it explicitly.

thanks for reminding me, Lord, that You want us to worship in spirit and in truth (John 4:23, 24).

and thank You for being so patient! help me to NOT gloat, or say i-told-you-so, or be vengeful or spiteful...

help me to LOVE
to love DEEPLY
to love "BOTTOMLESSLY"
to love with an EVERLASTING LOVE.

thank You for loving me.
and help me to do the same, and not just say the words.

=)


* "galing" -- Filipino term with meanings ranging from "amazing", to "great", to "cool"...let's just say, "WOW". =)

because God LOVES teci, 2: you're kidding, right?

[TAKE ONE]

teci:
God, i think _____ and of course _____ and aren't You telling me _____ and i think Your plans for me are _____ and _____ and _____ ...

God:
you've GOT to be kidding.


[TAKE TWO]

God:
do this for Me.

teci:
you've GOT to be kidding.

because God LOVES teci, 1: where are you? :)

Where Are You?
by J. Roman and Soluna

[J. Roman]

I know you out there baby
So where?

There's someone out there for me...
I know she's waiting so patiently
Can you tell me her name?
This life long search is gonna drive me insane

How does she laugh, how does she cry,
What's the color of her eyes,
Does she even realize I'm here?....

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?

Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?

Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[Soluna]

I'm starin out at the sky...
Prayin' that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams?
Yeah...
I'd wait forever, how silly it seems

How does he laugh, how does he cry,
What's the color of his eyes,
Does he even realize I'm here?....

Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?

Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?

Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?

Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[J. Roman]

Where are you...?
There's someone out there for me...

[Soluna]

There's someone out there for me...

[J. Roman]

I know she's waiting so patiently..

[Soluna]

So patient...

[J. Roman]

Can you tell me her name?

[Soluna]

Can you tell me his name?

[J. Roman]

This life long search is gonna drive me insane

[Soluna]

How does he laugh, how does he cry,
What's the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?....

[J. Roman]

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?

Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?

[Soluna]

Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?

Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?

[Together]

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[J. Roman]

(Yeah...I know you're out there...)

[Together]

La la la la la la la.. la la la la laaa.. La la la la la la la..

[J. Roman]

Where are you?
I'ma look all over the world baby
Cuz I know you're out there
I know it might sound crazy...
But I love you
La la la la la la la..

teci's thesis, episode 13: deadline "extended"!!! :p

wheeee. =) deadline for my thesis is extended! :p

because....

the higher-ups decided my thesis draft could use (much) more work :p

and, like i keep on telling everyone, i'm relieved, nay, happy, that i don't have to defend my thesis yet :) now i have more time for my classes --- those where i'm the teacher and those where i'm the student. and of course more time for my research, on which my thesis is based. bigger, better, new and improved!

sure, i'm not going to graduate yet because of the delay, but looking at where my life is headed (no, not towards bum-dom!), the academic delay of a few months won't matter much.

...

if anything, and i'll have to verify this theory based on my immediate future, the delay would establish me more in where i'm headed.

hmmm...

let's see :)

for now, the details of my destiny are as hazy as my humble thesis draft :D

but like my thesis, i have a general idea of where it's going.

and i like it :)



And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-- Romans 8:28

teci's thesis, episode 12: just like jeannie

i've been an x-men fanatic since i was a child, and it's cool to look at how much i had in common with my all-time favorite character, jean grey. that is, until i realized that (a) she had a LOT of wrong/faulty/fallen/mistaken/[insert negative adjective here] issues, and that (b) those [insert negative adjective] issues have become my own.

thank GOD (literally) that He came through for me. :) and despite how much "wrong"-ness there is in x-men, He's used that as a customized parable, to show me how life without Him would be like. (all the powers in the world --- nay, in the universe --- would never be able to fill that void inside one's soul =) )

====================================================================

now, i'd just like to say that my head hurts. as in HURTS.

and it started hurting when i heard the LOAD of what i STILL had to do regarding my thesis.

i'm not battling any fellow mutant (ha!) but i wonder if that would ever hurt like this?

(oh well, better my that my head hurts than my heart... :p )

(hmm, should i take that back? :p )


LORD! help me!

thanks so much!!! =D

teci's thesis, episode 11: the calm after the storm

Halloo! :) i'm back :)

angels (in the form of friends) and circumstances (in the form of the unstable Philippine political system) have helped me make the deadline...well, the deadline of the thesis draft, anyway, and i wasn't really on time, but still...

i made it! thank You GOD!!!! :)

thanks so much to mjr :) for teaching in my place last monday :)

and of course the invaluable boost from cm -- i simply need all the monitoring, mentoring, and motivating i could get!

and mlp's long-term persevering guidance and inspiring anecdote, giving me just the right push at the right time! :) (get well soon po! God is our HEALER!!!!)

i'm not thankful that my country is once again in a state of political turmoil. sadly i've been numb to the past week's rollercoaster of events --- and i say "sadly" theoretically, because i am numb...but i have to be honest enough to say that i am so grateful for the two days that classes were suspended.

this blog entry is already looking like the typical acknowledgement page on a finalized, bound thesis... :) but i'm so grateful already! like what my friend/batchmate sensed during the deadline countdown, the universe is conspiring (tips hat to Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist') and everything was falling into place to fulfill what must be done. so right :)

right after i passed my draft i went to the dorm and slept for 6 hours straight --- this was 8am to 3pm hahaha! hello sleep, did you miss me? i certainly missed you! :)

and now i'm back working (oops, well, before and after writing this...). i didn't really plan on doing this tonight (weekend night? but then again when did i last party during a friday night anyways?...), but my dear young fellow graduating friend asked me if i was staying overnight. hey, why not, and i'd always be glad for the company.

and the sooner i revise my humble little draft, the better, right? :)

is it really human nature (or just my own personality) that when a deadline is far away, one tends to slow down, relax, just slacken? after targetting an immediate deadline i can now take things (relatively) slower.

but i need the time to be grateful, and to sincerely appreciate what i've just gone through.

:)

so thanks everyone! :) for the prayers, for the little comments and messages, for your FAITH in me especially when i did not have faith in myself.

it really means a lot. :)

i'm calm now :)

and even when thankful for a (relatively) distant deadline for the final thesis, i'll be working hard to make sure that everything's a-ok and polished (like my name! haha!).

thanks so much again y'all.

and if it's not too much to ask...i'm requesting for MORE! :) more prayers, messages, help in whatever way or form, for more faith in me :) as i strive to have more faith in HIM in this season. (well, how can my faith not be developed after such miraculous events as being able to pass my thesis? =) )

thanks friends :) may God bless us all by showering us with more of His presence, love and peace. in Jesus' name, i believe. amen :)